Somebody that I used to know

I made light in my recent post that, at 19, Miss M is now just somebody that I used to know.  Said in jest, there is undeniably an element of truth to it.  She is no longer the little girl that I used to know, that used to need me, that used to enthusiastically tell me what was going on in her life (at school back then).  

There came a time that I felt a deep communication black hole between us, particularly at the worst time of her rebellion.  She was determinedly trying not to let me know who she was becoming, and I impotently flailed at trying to break into her real world.

 Image credit:  fotosearch.com

Now she is a vibrant young woman who talks to me about life, about love, compromise, values, and now even her own potential children.  At times when I don’t know how to advise her to deal with a situation, I bring it back to basics and simply tell her my values with regard to relationships and life, and watch her analyse those values and implement them into her own life.  I find now she repeats those same values back to me as she talks about what is going on in her life.

There are still times that she removes me from her life – usually only short periods where I am superfluous to her needs.  I find this difficult – I wouldn’t maintain a friendship where somebody picked me up and put me down.  But I remind myself that during these periods, she is showing me that she doesn’t need me right now – that she really is doing very well managing her own life.  And that’s all we ever really want for our children, isn’t it?  I know that, soon enough, when she needs something, a friendly shoulder, she will come back to us.  She really is never very far away, and for that, I know I am one of the lucky ones.

 

Image Credit:  Son C. :-)

Here's the Truth

Paralysed

Do you ever feel paralysed by uncertainty, or fear, or just sometimes not even knowing where to start.  Not sure what is on the other side of what you're trying to do.

I get stalled in starting my little projects around the house.  Perhaps a need to control the outcome, perhaps an uncertainty around what success should look like - or perhaps a fear that if 'it' is completed, then 'it' doesn't need me anymore, that I am obsolete.  I often wonder if that is why I keep clutter.  The idea of sitting in a simple, uncluttered hotel room is attractive to me for a period, but honestly, the idea of doing it forever actually makes me feel uncomfortable.  Empty.  Wrong.

How do you get started when you're in this state of paralysis - I'm sure we've all been there.  Sometimes the task that we're undertaking is so huge that the first step is just insurmountable.  We need to call in the troops.  Phone a friend, as Eddie would say.  Sometimes it is that huge that we need to be surrounded by people who know.

Sometimes I just need to put on my big girl panties and just do one thing.  Just spend five minutes and then the next five minutes will be easier, and the next will be easier again.

Don't ever be too scared to rally the troops.  In helping others we help ourselves.